FOUR MONTHS FOR FINN

Finn is my third child and I feel like I'm just now coming to a full depth of appreciation for what it is to have a baby. All I can say is I love, love, love this little bundle of joy. I remember being excited to see Asher and Silas grow through all of the baby stages, enjoying each one that came more than the one that had passed. But not this time...I want Finn to stay tiny forever! Does that mean he's truly the baby of the family? Maybe.

Speaking of "tiny", he's sort of already left that stage and is weighing in at about 17 and a half pounds. He's a happy, mellow little guy who loves staring at himself in the mirror, grabbing onto things {like my hair}, and hearing music. His face lights up any time I turn it on! He just started eating baby oatmeal, he's already managed to roll off the couch {whoops, guess I'm out of the running for the mother-of-the-year award}, and he's becoming increasingly aware of when he's not being held. He loves to stand up on his feet a little, be lifted up and down into the air, and get bounced around. He pretty much hated tummy time until I tried again today to find out that he can hold his head up a lot higher and longer than he could even just a few weeks ago. I think both of us were surprised to see how strong he's getting! 

He's loved his pacifier since day one, and he drinks out of a bottle fantastically! And if those things aren't enough to call him a great baby, here's the cherry on top- for the very first time in the history of nursing my boys, I didn't have to give up dairy for six months! Hallelujah for babies without sensitive tummies.

So far, Finn's spent over half of his life in transition between New York and Germany, officially calling three different places home. I'm relieved to know that this huge transition is almost over and I can't wait to get back to what we might be able to call "normal". But normal or not, I really just hope this time of our lives doesn't fly by. I think it's taken me about four and half years of motherhood to even begin to appreciate the absolute gift that these boys are, and I'm still not all the way there. Yes, there are times when they bring me to the brink of my sanity and I wonder what in the world I was thinking when I first thought motherhood sounded like a good idea. But I'm learning the best things in life are often the hardest things, and for that reason I want to be careful not to wish away their childhood.

I'll admit that- sometimes- I get tired of hearing older people tell me how these are the best years of my life and that my kids will be grown and off on their own before I know it, as if they've totally forgotten how utterly hard it is some days. But all in all, I don't think I've ever heard a parent say that their kids grew up too slow. So I want to be wise and heed the truth, that children truly are a blessing and a heritage from our good and gracious Father. That if we'll rely on the strength and the grace of God to love our children to the fullest, our days will be filled to the brim with joy.

Happy four months, Finn! Now be a good little boy and stay little forever, please.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5

TO BE A FLY ON ANOTHER MOM'S WALL

Sometimes I wish I could be a fly on another mom's wall. Just to see what a "normal day" looks like at another home. We have a routine that we try to stick to, some days it goes well, and other days it doesn't. But generally, I do my best to make our mornings at home productive. Meaning plenty of play time, craft time, book reading, cooking together in the kitchen {we make a lot of smoothies and dough together} and anything that doesn't involve the TV being on before 1pm. 

Some days this all goes wonderfully and I think "yay, I love being a mom!", and other days I feel defeated before we even start. I wake up wondering how in the world I'm going to muster the energy and motivation and patience that I know I need but just isn't there. I make a point to ask God to help me be good to my boys before I even get out of the bed. But as much as I know that He's with me and ready to help me every second of my day and that I would utterly fail without Him, being a mom is still one of the most challenging and demanding things I've ever done.

I love taking photos of the boys and capturing them in the good moments, and there are so many good moments. I don't want to minimize the absolute blessing of motherhood. It means so much more to me than a job or a hobby ever has. But I also don't want to paint an unrealistic picture of it. What you don't see in the photos are the tantrums, the fighting, the food all over the floor, the toilet paper unrolled all over the bathroom for the thousandth time, the whining over nothing, and worst of all, my selfish, impatient, and sometimes explosive reaction to it. Granted, the long cold winter indoors and being massively pregnant and tired doesn't help. But oh my goodness, sometimes it's just plain hard no matter what the circumstances.

And to be perfectly honest? Sometimes it's the days that I give up and don't worry over the details that are the best; the days that the TV is on way too long that I get the space to just relax and stop tallying the success or failure of my every move. I do my best to not let those days happen too often... But when they do, I'm learning to be okay with it. I don't want to be a super-mom. Whatever that really means, it sounds exhausting. I'm okay with being a far-from-perfect mom that leans on Jesus and finds her identity in who He says I am; loved, accepted, redeemed, forgiven, most definitely imperfect, but empowered for good by His strength. And then passing the knowledge of Him onto my boys.

I know I'll never be a perfect mom. But I want to be one that shows them what it means to rely on God, ask for forgiveness, and humbly press on when sin gets the best of me {yet another thing I need to work on doing better}. I'd rather have it that way than to parade a false exterior of perfection that masks the bankrupt nature of our souls apart from our Redeemer.

This isn't a self-serving anthem to quit trying, because I always want to do my best. I think it's more of a realization that "my best" is often a moot point when it's anchored in anything else other than Christ. And it's when I get my gaze fixed on Him- where it belongs- that He brings me out of the fog long enough to remember that I am blessed beyond belief. That I'm an undeserving but ever grateful daughter of God and that I have a beautiful family that I would not trade for the world.

All this being said, I still want to peak in on the day to day lives of other moms! I still want to feel like I'm doing okay and to remember that we're in this together. To have the fellowship and community and support that only others in these {very busy} shoes can offer. Isn't it wonderful when we do get that? I am so thankful to all of you who rejoice with me, sympathize with me, and just flat out understand the blessing and challenge of motherhood!

WISE WORDS FROM A MOTHER I ADORE

I remember meeting my sweet friend Heather like it was yesterday. She came over for dinner with her husband, her two daughters, and a little boy who was so close to being born that he might as well have been in her arms. She was an instant inspiration- immediately striking me as the gentle, humble, and faithful daughter of Christ that I've known her as ever since. And it amazes me that when I met her just a few short years ago she was a mom of two, because now she's a mom of five! She's been entrusted with four precious girls and the one little guy we met a few short days after our first dinner together. It's been a couple of years since we both moved on from Georgia, but it's fun to see photos of her growing family from afar. And occasionally, I get the privilege of gleaning a little bit of her wisdom as well! She shared some of that wisdom recently, and it was so humbling and encouraging that I asked her if I could share it with you. So, enough from me. Please take a moment and be blessed by the amazing perspective of a wife and mom who faithfully walks with Christ, trusting Him with her very full hands.

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I don't have time to write a blog. Sometimes I don't even have time to write a complete sentence without someone calling for me. However, I am thankful that God has been growing more and more patience within me. You always hear that you are not supposed to ask for patience, but I know I need it, even if at times the cultivating part of it is quite painful. That said, a certain someone walked across the kitchen just moments ago with her arms full of dog bowls, sloshing water left and right as she headed for the door. You know what? I didn't inwardly flinch and outwardly gripe, as I usually do. Some people ask me how I handle the kids. How do I sacrifice my free-time? How do any of us moms even find time to shower? Well, I am learning that the sacrifices we make are so worth it, because this whole parenting thing actually teaches me more about myself than anything. It helps rid me of selfishness. It makes me a servant in so many ways. I hope that one day that's what the kids will see too. They will see a very imperfect Momma who leans deeply into our sweet Jesus to meet their needs. Hopefully that is an encouragement to someone today. Hugs! -Heather

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I love how she started with "I don't have time to write a blog", haha! There have been plenty of times even with only one or two kids that I haven't had the time or energy either, so I totally commiserate with that. I'm so thankful that right now I'm in a season of motherhood that's grown to be relatively easy and that affords me a little bit of free time for things like this. But that will change soon enough, when we welcome our next little boy to the pack and then head off to our next duty station. And when that happens, I want to remember Heather's words of encouragement. Because it is worth it. Not just for the sakes of our children- they're obviously a huge, important part of it- but also for the sake of becoming more like Christ through caring for those less capable than ourselves. Just as He cares for us in our own relentless need of Him.

Thanks again, Heather, for your amazing example!

MARRYING MY HIGHSCHOOL SWEETHEART

Sometimes thoughts bounce around in my mind for months before they make it onto paper, and this is one of those cases. It's easy to write about motherhood, because all that takes is a few pictures of peanut butter & jelly crumbs or scribbled kid art with some thoughts on the day-to-day. And even writing about my faith comes pretty easily because I'm convinced that the Lord pours those words out for me. But marriage is an altogether different kind of topic because it's more than just my own perspective on one thing or another. I'm only one half of the whole that makes up my marriage, and weaving the right words together to express just how sacred of a relationship it is can be hard. But I want to take a stab at the subject of marriage for a couple of reasons; 1) I'm blessed too have a husband who is amazing as heck and 2) we're on a journey together that's worth reflecting on, learning from, and celebrating.

Where do I even start? Next to meeting Jesus, marrying Thane- my high school sweet heart- was the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. Let me start by being frank about a few things; there are so many stereotypical assumptions about marrying the guy or girl you dated in high school. Like 1) you missed out by not experiencing other relationships in college, 2) you were naive to think that a high school relationship could last, 3) you got pregnant and didn't have a choice, or 4) you're just silly and you didn't know better. I wish I could tell you how many comments I heard right before the wedding, like "what?! you're too young to get married {except what they really meant was 'you're too stupid'},"you're getting married before living together? you never really know someone till you live with them", etc.

I don't deny that there is truth to some of those things. Life can be unpredictable and messy and I'll be the first to admit that I was NOT very wise in high school. I made enough bad decisions to prove that I certainly had no edge on anybody else when it came to choosing a spouse. But I'm so thankful that of all of my youthful indiscretions, Thane wasn't one of them! It's been seven and a half years since we said our vows and I love that we defied the odds. And not just that, but proved that sometimes the one you meet when you're young and silly and know nothing about life is the one that you can and will- and joyfully- spend the rest of your life with.

So much has happened since we were 17 and just beginning our friendship. We started dating our senior year, went to prom together, graduated together, stuck out a four-year long distance relationship during college, got married, jumped into Army life, moved a lot, endured two deployments, and started having babies. And as much as we've stayed the same in a lot of ways, Thane's certainly no longer the teenager I met. He's a man who fears God, reveres the Bible, loves and cherishes me the way Christ instructs men to love their wives, and adores our boys. He leads our family in a way that points us to God, takes care of all of our needs, and makes sure we know that we are his treasure. Not his job or his hobbies or anything else. 

It hasn't all been easy; there have been seasons of stress, separations, and adjusting to big changes. We've had to continually work to love and respect each other, communicate well, and make each other a priority when other things- even good things- threaten to consume our focus. It's impossible to know what the future holds, and it would be naive to assume that our happily-ever-after won't include a few bumps along the way. But one thing I do know; God's grace abounds. It always has and it always will. And just as He's poured it out for us these past seven and a half years, I have every bit of confidence that He'll provide it for the road ahead. And I'm so glad this is a road that Thane and I are on together, because it only gets better as the years go by.

But all of this has so little to do with him, myself, the day we said our vows, or anything that's happened since. The hero of our story is Christ. We love because He first loved us {1 John 4:19}. Christ is the author of life and marriage and every good thing, and He pours into us a perfect, sacrificial love that's entirely unstained by sin or regret or failed intentions. I could go on and on about how many times we get in the way of His ways. About times we've robbed our marriage of joy simply because we look to ourselves to make life work instead of looking to our Creator. But He is so, so patient, and the fact that I find myself thanking Him over and over for bringing Thane into my life eleven years ago is a humble reminder that He's the One responsible for it all. Our marriage thrives simply because He empowers us to give bits and pieces of His perfect, sacrificial love to each other. In spite of our sin and our flaws.

And for that I am so incredibly grateful.

WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY ABOUT BEING A WOMAN

A while back I was chatting with some friends and made a comment that went something like this: "I wish the bible was more clear about what we should be doing as women. It doesn't say that much about us." Then it occurred to me that I should go home and test that statement. And guess what? I was totally wrong. It says a heck of a lot about the roles God designed us to fill. It's not all in one spot and it took some digging. But He weaves a clear, intricate picture of the unique calling of womanhood in both the Old and New Testaments. 

So, I wrote it all down in a list. I know what you're thinking- "another list?! No thanks." Let me just say that I totally hear you! But ladies, if there is one list that we can't live without, it's this one. I'll be the first to admit that I'm prone to get busy, let my eyes drift away from Christ, and get lost in the thick of daily life. And if you're anything like me, I bet you're all too familiar with this struggle. So as beloved women and image-bearers of our good and gracious God, let's link arms, dive into the Word, and press on together!

WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY ABOUT BEING A WOMAN

First and foremost, whether we're single, married, have children, or don't have children, we as women are created “in the image of God”. (Ref. Genesis 1:27)

IF WE ARE MARRIED:

We are a gift and “a helper” to our husbands.

(Ref. Genesis 2:20)

YOUNGER WOMEN are Instructed to:

-Marry (see note below)

-Bear children

-Manage the house

-Give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully (Ref. 1 Timothy 5:14)

            -Respect our husbands (Ref. Ephesians 5:33b)

-Love our husbands

-Love our children

-Be discreet

-Be chaste

-Be homemakers

-Be good

-Be obedient to our own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed

 (Ref. Titus 2:4-5)

-Be temperate

-Be faithful in all things (Ref. 1 Timothy 3:11)

-NOTE: Not all women are called to marriage and singleness is a gift as well.
 (Ref. 1 Corinthians 1:7-8)

An OLDER WOMAN is Praised if She:

-Is well reported for good works

-Has brought up children

-Has lodged strangers

-Has “washed the saints feet” (or other menial duties done with a humble servant's heart).

-Has relieved the afflicted

-Has diligently followed every good work (Ref. 1 Timothy 5:9-10)

-Is reverent in behavior

-Is not a slanderer

-Is not given to much wine

-Is a teacher of good things

-Admonishes the young women to love their husbands, children... (see Titus 2:4-5 and Titus 2:3)

THE PROVERBS 31 WOMAN:

-Does him [her husband] good and not evil all the days of her life.

-Willingly works with her hands

-Brings food from afar (she puts effort into resourcing “the best” for her family)

-Rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household

-Girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms (she’s the opposite of lazy!)

-Her lamp does not go out at night/she perceives her merchandise is good (she’s industrious and works with her hands)

-Extends her hand to the poor (she is generous)

-Is not afraid of snow for her household for they are clothed in scarlet (she is prepared)

-Makes tapestry for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple (she takes pride in her appearance)

-Makes linen garments and sells them (she’s industrious)

-Watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

-Is "a woman who fears the Lord" and for that, "she shall be praised".

(Ref. Proverbs 31:10-31)

IF WE HAVE CHILDREN, WE ARE TO:

-Lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, that the days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land… (Ref. Deuteronomy 11:18-21a)

-Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Ref. Proverbs 22:6)

-Does not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. (Ref. Proverbs 23:13) 

IN A PUBLIC OR CHURCH SETTING, WE ARE TO:

-Adorn ourselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation…(Ref. 1 Timothy 2:9)

-Learn in silence with all submission (Ref. 1Timothy 2:11)

This definitely isn't a complete list, but it's enough to keep us busy, right? My love, encouragement, and prayers are with all of us dear sisters who strive daily to walk worthy of the calling we've received in Christ Jesus, to remember His goodness and truth, to cling to Him even in the midst of our failures. But if you're not sure where you fit into all of this, or if you fit in at all, it's okay! We've all been there. See how He made me part of His family and set my feet on the right path. If there's one thing I know, it's that He wants a real, intimate, saving relationship with every last one of us. Especially you!

THE BEACH

We took a couple of trips to a local beach in upstate New York, a bay area of Lake Ontario. Sitting in the sun was WONDERFUL. Especially after being indoors quite a bit over the past couple of months with a new baby. I can't say it compared to Hawaii {boy do we miss it!}, especially with the crazy rules- no tossing rocks into the water, no carrying your children on your shoulders, no floaties for kids, etc {we were personally reprimanded for the first two}- but I sure enjoyed it. I watched Thane and Asher play in the surf, I played around with the manual settings on my camera {hence some of the funky close-up shots}, and I even had the chance to sit and read over some old bible study notes I'd found at the house. And talk about a gem- the topic was "How can we be fruitful in Christ?"- something I'm almost always thinking about, striving for, or feeling discouraged over. And here's the answer: "But for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." {2 Peter 1:5-8} I wish I had the notes with me now so that I could share some of the practical wisdom for how exactly to do these things. But God's Word never returns void and I hope this verse encourages you! If any of us approach the bible with prayer and with a God-given desire to obey it, He will give us the understanding we need and enable us to grow in wisdom and fruitfulness. I've seen it in my own life and in the lives of the faithful around me, and I'm ever so thankful for it!  

Thanks for reading!

P.S. Just in case you haven't read the story, here's how Jesus began a mighty work of grace and redemption in my life...

MANGER BABIES

"Is there ever a good time to have a baby?" How many of you fellow moms {especially Army wives} have found yourself asking the same question?

A little bit about our family timeline: Our first little boy Asher {updated birth story here} came five weeks before my husband's temporary out-of-state move from Georgia to Kentucky. While I was less than thrilled to relocate to a hotel room with a newborn for four months {especially after working tirelessly on his nursery}, there was no deployment or training that separated our family during the time of the birth. And in the Army, that's a privilege.

Then came my second pregnancy. This baby was anticipated not long before our move from Georgia this past month, which meant this child would also be spending a lot of time in transitional living and hotels. My first reaction to this was dread. "Again?" I asked myself. But it turned out that the good Lord had other plans for her or him.

A few months later, we were blessed with a third pregnancy! And what would the future hold for the birth of this little boy? You guessed it...yes, another hotel! And a Dad who's scheduled to be away for training during his birth, immediately followed by another out-of-state training course lasting the rest of the summer.  Let me just pause for a moment. I'm not exactly laughing out loud, but I can't help but chuckle to myself. "Again, Lord?"

So, I'm approaching this June with a little bit of trepidation. We've just arrived at our new duty station at Fort Drum, New York, after living out a suitcase for the last month. And we'll continue to live out a suitcases for at least three more weeks. Then, two months after getting settled in a new house {and when I'm about three weeks away from my due date in June} Thane will go away for pre-deployment training. 

When I'm admitted to the hospital for delivery, he'll be flown home and likely be back with us the day after the baby comes. But this isn't the complicated part. A couple of weeks after my due date we will all be moving down to Fort Belvoir, Virginia, for a six week training course he's scheduled to attend there. The great thing about that- it's where all of our family is! A once in a lifetime opportunity to spend an extended period of time close to them all! The not so great thing- another difficult out of state move and upheaval right in the midst of welcoming a new baby to the family. 

Where Do I Deliver? So, do I stay in New York with our two year old toddler and attempt to deliver alone? Or, do I move in with family in Virginia a whole month earlier than already planned {after only being settled in New York for two short months} and spend three total months living out of suitcase again there? Frankly, both options stink.

News Flash: I'm Not the Only One Who's Been in this Boat  But in the midst of these pressing questions and unknowns, another delivery story comes to mind: "And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." {Luke 2:7}

Sigh. The hammer of conviction has fallen once again {just as it did regarding our housing situation}. Here I am, so consumed by my own greed for comfort and convenience that I hardly remember the story of the One who give it all away for us. God Himself, wrapped in flesh and born to die for the salvation of our souls, began His humble human life amongst the dirt and smell of animals.

Mary Delivered in a Barn. Joseph was the midwife. And Mary! How quickly I forget that the mother of God incarnate delivered her own Son not even in the modern day equivalent of a hotel, but an animal stall! With an inexperienced, likely terrified husband for assistance {picture the average guy here- my husband would have passed out mid-catch}. In addition, she had no medical care, no clean home or perfectly decorated nursery, and no relatives or acquaintances nearby. What must she have been thinking in the final days of her pregnancy as she journeyed over open terrain on a donkey towards a place she'd never been with little to no money or provisions? And then, in the midst of labor, when there was no space in the inn and an animal manger was the only option? 

Moral of the Story: it's about Jesus, not me.  I have to let go of my plans, preferences, and even fears in order to embrace Jesus. Not just His gift of salvation, but His very life. Which was not one of comfort or convenience, but of self-giving love and sacrifice. Lest we, as believers, forget our calling: "For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren." {Romans 8:29} How quickly I forget that He has a perfect plan, and He will bring it to pass in whatever way conforms us to His image and in whatever way brings the most glory to Him.

So, I will affectionately call both of our little boys "manger babies", not that I fancy their births worthy to be compared to Christ's, but out of a bit of good humor and tribute to Him. I have no clue how things will work out with this upcoming delivery in June, but I trust that He was a plan. Why should I should be anxious? He has done more for me personally as well as us collectively than we can ever re-pay Him for. In light of His great sacrifice {compared to our miniscule inconveniences} may we never cease to thank Him and trust Him in all things!

HIS STORY

I once lived in a row-house where the only thing I saw through my bedroom window was a solid brick wall. That dead-end view was an accurate portrait of my life at the time. But it's also the very place where Jesus came for me, where He opened His arms wide for me, where everything was forever changed for the better. Not because I deserved anything good, but simply because He is good.
  

Let me give you a little bit of background on me. I didn't grow up in what you might call a traditional Christian home, but I did have the privilege of attending a variety of Protestant churches. So I learned a lot about the Bible and what a life devoted to Christ is supposed to look like. And that left me with the nagging and unsettling impression that I could never be good enough to truly live up to God's standards. Then add to that all of the natural questions like- is the Bible really true? Is Jesus really God like He says He is? Why did He have to die on a cross?- And this left me wavering between doubt and discouragement for many years.

Fast forward to now, and one thing is exceedingly clear: sitting in the pews, singing the hymns, and even praying and reading the Bible are nothing but dead works if I'm estranged from God Himself. I hadn't met Jesus, I had absolutely no personal relationship with Him through all of those years. In fact, it wasn’t until my sophomore year of college during a simple Bible study with my best friend {in the bedroom with the brick-wall view} that I actually met the Lord Jesus. The two of us were reading about Him in the book of Mathew, and the only way I can describe it is that He opened my eyes to finally see Him for who He really is- a friend and a helper, a righteous and loving God. It was as if I could see Him walking towards me with a big smile on His face and open arms. He was no longer the distant, mysterious God-man I'd heard about growing up, but a real, living person. He gave me His light, His joy, and {for the first time ever} peace and assurance! He truly took me into His family that day, and I’ve never been the same since. 

Not only was there this new joy and sense of belonging, but suddenly I had a deep desire to read the Bible. As Jesus calls His Word "the bread of life" {Mathew 4:4}, it truly became like food to me. And with the help of the Holy Spirit, it all started making sense. No longer what you might call a duck out of water, I had true guidance for how to pursue a genuine Christian life. And I learned why Jesus had to come and die for us {cue the light bulb!}: Our God is perfectly Holy and Righteous in every way. But He would not be righteous if He allowed evil to go unpunished. So, to allow us to have free choice and to maintain His Holiness, He must punish sin. So picture this- every time a sin is committed, God's "cup of wrath" is filled with his righteous anger. And that anger must be poured out in justice and punishment. But on who? Well, onto sinners like you and me, via physical and spiritual death followed by eternal separation from God in Hell. Many call Hell cruel and unjust. But think of it this way- Hell was created as a prison for the angels who rebelled against God {Mathew 25:41}. And when we rebel against God by sinning against Him, we are, in effect, declaring our allegiance to Satan. In that case, we give up our right to eternal life with God in Heaven and follow Satan's path to eternal destruction in Hell. Ultimately, we get what we want.

But this is where the good news of Jesus' death and resurrection comes in. Jesus Christ, God Himself, came to earth to live a perfect, sinless life before the Father, so that He could then effectively pour that wrath out onto Himself. He endured the full wrath of God's sin against evil on the cross. And when He rose three days later and was witnessed as alive- historical fact- by over 500 people {1 Cor 15:16}, this was proof of His perfection and victory over death. So now, this is His free gift for all- He will exchange our sin for His righteousness. He will put His Spirit in us, so that when our Father looks upon us, He sees the image of His perfect Son rather than our stained hands.

Let me just stop and say praise God. I don’t know why He came for me when I was so blind and indifferent towards Him, but I can say with full certainty that it was all of His doing and none of mine. A true gift of undeserved, unmerited grace. And all I can do in return is get on my hands and knees with face to the floor and praise Him and honor Him and thank Him for all eternity. He is worthy.

It's been about nine years since the day I became a believer, and I'm so thankful to Him that He's still walking with me patiently. He teaches me to study His Word, to pray, to listen for His voice, to see my own sin for what it really is, to loathe it and to repent of it. It’s still a struggle, but now I’m free to actually move in the right direction with His help. I have nothing but gratitude for His amazing grace. And on top of fulfilling my most desperate need of salvation, He's blessed me with a godly husband whom I love and respect with all my heart, a two precious sons, a child in Heaven, plus another baby on the way. Not to mention countless other beloved family members and friends- you included!

Now that He's brought me this far, I can look back and know with certainty that any time I spent trying to live a good life before meeting Christ was pointless. I didn’t understand that I needed to born again {John 3:3} and to receive His Spirit before there could be even one ounce of true change in me. And it’s the same for you. If you're already a born-again believer, praise God! I rejoice with you! If not, I hope and pray that you would give your life to Him in humility and repentance. Otherwise, your entire life will be lived in vain and any good pursuit you follow will be meaningless. You may be able to perform "good" behaviors to some extent, "do better" at this or that, or justify your sin by comparing yourselves to those you think are worse. Or you may even assume you don't have any sin to repent of, that the only person you'll ever have to answer to is yourself. "There is a way that seems right to a man, but it's end is the way of death" {Proverbs 14:12}.

The truth is that we can’t do a single good, lasting thing without Him. Every act of our own righteousness is but a filthy rag in His sight {Isaiah 64:6}. This is the opposite of what the world teaches us to believe- that we're good, that we've earned the right to be proud and independent people. But that's a deception that's been blinding us from the moment Satan caused Eve to question God's goodness and authority, leading to the very first act of sin.

The bottom line is that each one of us are either 1) redeemed by Christ for eternal life with God or 2) unredeemed and sentenced to eternal Hell as the just and lawful reward our of deeds. Praise God that there's a chance for all of us to be redeemed. But until you surrender to Christ and receive a new heart {Ezekial 18:31}, you stand condemned. Each and every one of us needs a saving relationship with the Lord Jesus, one characterized by love and obedience to His Word. And to have that, you need the Holy Spirit. Jesus says to ask for it, to seek it, to knock on the door for it, to be persistent {Luke 11:9-10}. He says that if we, being sinful, can give good gifts to our children, “how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” {Luke 11:13}. So if you want to be reconciled to God, just take a humble step of faith and tell the Lord that you can’t do it without Him.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." {John 3:16}

He is waiting for you with open arms!