MARRYING MY HIGHSCHOOL SWEETHEART

Sometimes thoughts bounce around in my mind for months before they make it onto paper, and this is one of those cases. It's easy to write about motherhood, because all that takes is a few pictures of peanut butter & jelly crumbs or scribbled kid art with some thoughts on the day-to-day. And even writing about my faith comes pretty easily because I'm convinced that the Lord pours those words out for me. But marriage is an altogether different kind of topic because it's more than just my own perspective on one thing or another. I'm only one half of the whole that makes up my marriage, and weaving the right words together to express just how sacred of a relationship it is can be hard. But I want to take a stab at the subject of marriage for a couple of reasons; 1) I'm blessed too have a husband who is amazing as heck and 2) we're on a journey together that's worth reflecting on, learning from, and celebrating.

Where do I even start? Next to meeting Jesus, marrying Thane- my high school sweet heart- was the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. Let me start by being frank about a few things; there are so many stereotypical assumptions about marrying the guy or girl you dated in high school. Like 1) you missed out by not experiencing other relationships in college, 2) you were naive to think that a high school relationship could last, 3) you got pregnant and didn't have a choice, or 4) you're just silly and you didn't know better. I wish I could tell you how many comments I heard right before the wedding, like "what?! you're too young to get married {except what they really meant was 'you're too stupid'},"you're getting married before living together? you never really know someone till you live with them", etc.

I don't deny that there is truth to some of those things. Life can be unpredictable and messy and I'll be the first to admit that I was NOT very wise in high school. I made enough bad decisions to prove that I certainly had no edge on anybody else when it came to choosing a spouse. But I'm so thankful that of all of my youthful indiscretions, Thane wasn't one of them! It's been seven and a half years since we said our vows and I love that we defied the odds. And not just that, but proved that sometimes the one you meet when you're young and silly and know nothing about life is the one that you can and will- and joyfully- spend the rest of your life with.

So much has happened since we were 17 and just beginning our friendship. We started dating our senior year, went to prom together, graduated together, stuck out a four-year long distance relationship during college, got married, jumped into Army life, moved a lot, endured two deployments, and started having babies. And as much as we've stayed the same in a lot of ways, Thane's certainly no longer the teenager I met. He's a man who fears God, reveres the Bible, loves and cherishes me the way Christ instructs men to love their wives, and adores our boys. He leads our family in a way that points us to God, takes care of all of our needs, and makes sure we know that we are his treasure. Not his job or his hobbies or anything else. 

It hasn't all been easy; there have been seasons of stress, separations, and adjusting to big changes. We've had to continually work to love and respect each other, communicate well, and make each other a priority when other things- even good things- threaten to consume our focus. It's impossible to know what the future holds, and it would be naive to assume that our happily-ever-after won't include a few bumps along the way. But one thing I do know; God's grace abounds. It always has and it always will. And just as He's poured it out for us these past seven and a half years, I have every bit of confidence that He'll provide it for the road ahead. And I'm so glad this is a road that Thane and I are on together, because it only gets better as the years go by.

But all of this has so little to do with him, myself, the day we said our vows, or anything that's happened since. The hero of our story is Christ. We love because He first loved us {1 John 4:19}. Christ is the author of life and marriage and every good thing, and He pours into us a perfect, sacrificial love that's entirely unstained by sin or regret or failed intentions. I could go on and on about how many times we get in the way of His ways. About times we've robbed our marriage of joy simply because we look to ourselves to make life work instead of looking to our Creator. But He is so, so patient, and the fact that I find myself thanking Him over and over for bringing Thane into my life eleven years ago is a humble reminder that He's the One responsible for it all. Our marriage thrives simply because He empowers us to give bits and pieces of His perfect, sacrificial love to each other. In spite of our sin and our flaws.

And for that I am so incredibly grateful.

WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY ABOUT BEING A WOMAN

A while back I was chatting with some friends and made a comment that went something like this: "I wish the bible was more clear about what we should be doing as women. It doesn't say that much about us." Then it occurred to me that I should go home and test that statement. And guess what? I was totally wrong. It says a heck of a lot about the roles God designed us to fill. It's not all in one spot and it took some digging. But He weaves a clear, intricate picture of the unique calling of womanhood in both the Old and New Testaments. 

So, I wrote it all down in a list. I know what you're thinking- "another list?! No thanks." Let me just say that I totally hear you! But ladies, if there is one list that we can't live without, it's this one. I'll be the first to admit that I'm prone to get busy, let my eyes drift away from Christ, and get lost in the thick of daily life. And if you're anything like me, I bet you're all too familiar with this struggle. So as beloved women and image-bearers of our good and gracious God, let's link arms, dive into the Word, and press on together!

WHAT THE BIBLE HAS TO SAY ABOUT BEING A WOMAN

First and foremost, whether we're single, married, have children, or don't have children, we as women are created “in the image of God”. (Ref. Genesis 1:27)

IF WE ARE MARRIED:

We are a gift and “a helper” to our husbands.

(Ref. Genesis 2:20)

YOUNGER WOMEN are Instructed to:

-Marry (see note below)

-Bear children

-Manage the house

-Give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully (Ref. 1 Timothy 5:14)

            -Respect our husbands (Ref. Ephesians 5:33b)

-Love our husbands

-Love our children

-Be discreet

-Be chaste

-Be homemakers

-Be good

-Be obedient to our own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed

 (Ref. Titus 2:4-5)

-Be temperate

-Be faithful in all things (Ref. 1 Timothy 3:11)

-NOTE: Not all women are called to marriage and singleness is a gift as well.
 (Ref. 1 Corinthians 1:7-8)

An OLDER WOMAN is Praised if She:

-Is well reported for good works

-Has brought up children

-Has lodged strangers

-Has “washed the saints feet” (or other menial duties done with a humble servant's heart).

-Has relieved the afflicted

-Has diligently followed every good work (Ref. 1 Timothy 5:9-10)

-Is reverent in behavior

-Is not a slanderer

-Is not given to much wine

-Is a teacher of good things

-Admonishes the young women to love their husbands, children... (see Titus 2:4-5 and Titus 2:3)

THE PROVERBS 31 WOMAN:

-Does him [her husband] good and not evil all the days of her life.

-Willingly works with her hands

-Brings food from afar (she puts effort into resourcing “the best” for her family)

-Rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household

-Girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms (she’s the opposite of lazy!)

-Her lamp does not go out at night/she perceives her merchandise is good (she’s industrious and works with her hands)

-Extends her hand to the poor (she is generous)

-Is not afraid of snow for her household for they are clothed in scarlet (she is prepared)

-Makes tapestry for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple (she takes pride in her appearance)

-Makes linen garments and sells them (she’s industrious)

-Watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

-Is "a woman who fears the Lord" and for that, "she shall be praised".

(Ref. Proverbs 31:10-31)

IF WE HAVE CHILDREN, WE ARE TO:

-Lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, that the days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land… (Ref. Deuteronomy 11:18-21a)

-Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Ref. Proverbs 22:6)

-Does not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. (Ref. Proverbs 23:13) 

IN A PUBLIC OR CHURCH SETTING, WE ARE TO:

-Adorn ourselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation…(Ref. 1 Timothy 2:9)

-Learn in silence with all submission (Ref. 1Timothy 2:11)

This definitely isn't a complete list, but it's enough to keep us busy, right? My love, encouragement, and prayers are with all of us dear sisters who strive daily to walk worthy of the calling we've received in Christ Jesus, to remember His goodness and truth, to cling to Him even in the midst of our failures. But if you're not sure where you fit into all of this, or if you fit in at all, it's okay! We've all been there. See how He made me part of His family and set my feet on the right path. If there's one thing I know, it's that He wants a real, intimate, saving relationship with every last one of us. Especially you!

Church Ball

Thane joined the church softball team for their last few games of the season. This meant lots of outdoor fun and fellowship, which made the prospect of leaving town hard! It seems like that's the way it goes more times than not- right as we're getting plugged into a place, it's time to go again. This time it's only for two months, and the {huge!} bonus to this relocation is FAMILY! For the first {and probably last} time, we have training back home in Virginia. So praise God for that, and here's to hoping that the good times with our New Hope family in Watertown picks right back up where it left off in a couple of months... Miss you all already!

Thanks for reading!

Handy Husband

I haven't shared much about the new house because frankly, life has been a whirlwind these past few months and we're still settling in. But I do want to take the time to brag on my very handy husband. Since we moved into this old Victorian a few months back, he's tackled quite a to-do list. So far he has:

> Torn up old, nasty carpet from five rooms and a flight of stairs, and replaced it with beautiful hickory flooring {three bedrooms, an office, and the laundry room. Just one more bedroom to go!}.

> Painted the back staircase white after tearing up the carpet.

> Installed blinds.

> Repaired a toilet plus installed a new one {as well as installed new toilet seats- I never knew how nice of an improvement it would be over the cheap plastic ones that were here when we first moved in}.

> Repaired a leaky garbage disposal.

> Had both sets of our front doors switched around so that the glass doors are now on the outside. This means we can open up the inner ones and let lots of nice light in during the day.

> Installed a new exterior door in our basement.

> Installed new locks.

> Replaced the old refrigerator with a beautiful new stainless steel one! We called that my mother's day gift.

> Repaired a leaky bathroom sink.

> Planted the shrub he bought me to celebrate Silas' birth.

And all of this in between super long work days, being out of town for close to a month's worth of training, and welcoming a new baby to the family. {Not to mention the countless times he and the rest of us have been battling sickness and allergies. Welcome to Upstate New York!}

There's still so much we want to tackle! Including:

> Paint, paint, paint! Every single room upstairs needs to be painted {right there there's a hodge-podge of not so great colors going on}, plus about 50% of the downstairs.
> Add hardware to the kitchen cabinets.

> Add quarter rounds to the perimeter of each room with the new hickory flooring.

> Remove the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad striped wallpaper that lines our center hallway, and paint the burgundy chair rail underneath it.

> Install a new showers in both bathrooms upstairs. {We have two bathrooms upstairs, one with a whirlpool tub and lots of space, one with a tiny stand up shower and almost no space. Not the most functional features of the house, unfortunately...}

> Build a sub-floor in the attic {it's a walk-up} and add insulation before winter hits.

We've still got our work cut out for us, but it's been amazing to see how much we {and we I say we I mean mostly Thane}, have been able to accomplish. So praise God!

Thanks for reading!

Six Years & A Date

Happy six years to my wonderful, God-given-gift of a husband! We had our first date in months {thanks Grandma & Grandpa!}, and boy was it amazing. We ate in Sackett's Harbor at the Tin Pan Galley. Thane got the duck and I ordered the special. Then there was the chocolate mousse torte and the turtle cheesecake that was to die for. Not to mention the glass of 1000 Island Sweet red wine that was so good that even I liked it {not normally a wine fan}. Anyway, we talked, we relaxed, we sat on the harbor afterwards. Pure, uninterrupted relaxation. We've got to do this more often!

READING THROUGH THE BIBLE WITH YOUR SPOUSE

"...And the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh." {Mark 10:8} My husband and I were extraordinarily blessed to be married as two bible believing, born again Christians. I continually thank God for this, knowing that not every believer has this privelage. But even though we went to church together and agreed on the finer points of Christian theology, we were operating as two single people in the area of spiritual growth. Bible reading was something we did as individuals, not something we were committed to as a unified couple in pursuit of the "oneness" that the Bible speaks about.

Until we started {and completed!- by the grace of God} a year through the bible reading plan together. This was the single most significant thing we've done as a couple to grow into a deeper understanding of our Creator God & Savior Jesus and His perfect truth. Praise Jesus for His words: "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." {John 8:31b-32} What better way to pursue the promise of intimacy with Jesus and the freedom of knowing the truth than  in a unfied effort with your husband or wife? Of course there's more to growing spiritually together than just reading. Regular church attendance, participating in bible studies, prayer, and fellowship with other believers is also crucial.  (And generally commanded for all believers.) But diving into the Bible played an invaluable part in our growing relationship with Christ and with each other.

So if you and your spouse have never done something like this, it's absolutely worth a try! I'm so thankful that God motivated us to do this together as husband and wife and gave us the grace to complete it. I can't stress enough how every measure of spiritual growth in our lives is an act of total, undeserved grace from Him: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." {Ephesians 2:8-9} I praise Him that He saves not by our good works {of which we have none of in our own strength}, but to good works for His glory {Ephesians 2:10}. 

But back to the reading the bible together- I know it's not always easy to take on such an endeavor. Our first son Asher was born towards the end of our year through the plan, and although I did complete it, Thane and I definitely didn't have the same kind of time and leisure for discussion. But if you're busy with full time work or young kids at home, even just a chapter {or less} a day is invaluable!

The Method.

We chose a chronological reading plan, but there are so many good ones out there to pick from! Each month I typed up a small guide for each of us that we could tuck into our bibles to stay on track {pictured above}. We did the daily reading separately, and then talked about whatever stood out to us at our leisure. I have to admit that it was pretty fun to egg each other on about who was ahead of who. It wasn't always easy too keep on track {but the little bit of competitive fun between the two of us kept us accountable and made it fun!}

Plans & Resources.
Assortment of plans {from esv.org}

Chronological plan {Great for getting a perspective on what happened when in biblical history- for example, Job, which alludes to dinosaurs and describes a lot of creation, took place around the time of Noah.}

How to Enjoy the Bible- An encouraging article by theologian John MacArthur.

My prayers are with you and thanks for reading!