Thane e-mailed a recent parenting fiasco to a few family members, so in the spirit of maintaining as many memories on the blog as I can, here it is:Sarah and I decided to go into Culpeper so that she could get a much needed haircut while I watched the two kids. After the haircut we thought we'd sit down at a local Diner.
Halfway through the lunch Asher looked like he had
to poop, but he was wearing a pull up and told me over and over again
that he didn't have to go. The meal ended and I offered Sarah the chance
to go across the street to shop while I paid the bill and took Asher to
the car.
That is when I realized that he had indeed pooped
and it had oozed out of the bottom of the pull up, down his leg, into
his sock, down the high chair, and pooled onto the floor!
The pool was about the size of my palm. I immediately tried to call
Sarah on the phone but to no avail. I'm still convinced she saw what
had happened and ran for safety and before I could realize I was stuck with
the clean up duty.
Luckily, my time in the army trained me for crappy
(lit) situations and I assessed the situation quickly. I knew that there
was no way I could carry Asher to the bathroom and leave the high chair there with a pool of poop in it - but I also didn't have anything to clean up the pool
on the floor!
So I decided to drag Asher in his high chair across the
floor the 5 yards to the bathroom and abandon any hope of cleaning up
the gravy-textured puddle on the floor.
Unfortunately,
the bathroom became an equally dire situation - shorts, shoes, and
socks were all contaminated, Sarah still wasn't picking up her phone,
and Asher had gotten more poop on the side and top of the toilet bowl!
After about 20 minutes in the locked bathroom the
whole room was really starting to stink. I had gone through half a roll
of industrial strength paper towels and threw some in the toilet and some
in the trashcan. Finally Sarah came and casually cleaned the poop
off the floor of the diner, luckily before any other guests were seated in that spot.
With no extra change of clothes in hand, I shoved Asher's legs into the arms of his sweater, tied the top around his waist and ducked out the back door.
Truly horrible.
